Baby Girl

This morning I awoke to several message from my mom telling me that my sister is finally going into labor after over 24 hours of being in the hospital, waiting for this to happen. I was so excited that getting out of bed, even without coffee in hand, was not horrible. This day has been long awaited by my sister and brother-in-law, parents, myself, extended family and friends. Not only the past 9 months of waiting but also, years of waiting! These two people have been a couple for over a decade and a half. It’s about time they bring a child into the world.

When my mom tells me that baby girl has been born, I feel my face go flush and pressure begins to build. Before I can contain it, tears evacuate my eyes, running down my cheeks and my sinuses instantly lose control. I am happysad. You know that feeling of being happysad? It is not quite the same as bittersweet, but very similar. Side note: my spell check is assuring me that happysad is not a word, but anyone who knows that feeling knows spell check is wrong. I am overwhelmed with emotions of excitement, joy, comfort and relief, which are adjoining the emotions of disappointment, sadness and regret.

I cannot believe I am on the opposite side of Earth while my first niece is making her debut. This is just one of those things that sisters are not supposed to miss. The knowledge that she is healthy, has all her limbs, and is going to be so unbelievably loved helps quiet some of the negative emotions. Still, not being there stings more than I thought it would.

I continue to receive short messages from my mom and dad, who is also not present, making me feel meagerly better. Then, at last, I get to speak with mom on the phone. She tells me that my sister did amazingly and is only exhausted now. She had been up for far too many hours in far too much discomfort, but was cherishing the first few hours of her daughter’s life, having some skin on skin time and soaking up the newborn scent.

All my sadness melts away at the thought of my sister and brother-in-law enjoying those first few moments. There are few moments in life as pure or beautiful. Those moments are treasured and stored in memory forever. They mold the love and care that get new parents through the first terrible year of sleepless nights.

I imagine that the nervousness and concerns they have had over the past few days dissipate like chocolate in the sun. They have had enough concerns in the past week to give anyone anxiety. Now, they have made it out the other side. Aside from the pain and scars of childbirth, they made it out unscathed. The beautiful baby girl is here, healthy and loved.



First Post

I’m relatively new the blogosphere. More accurately, i’m new to keeping an updated and relevant blog. I have had three blogs over the past 3 years, two of which are, or will be, currently active. The first blog was not well written and while it successfully accomplished its’ role to update my family of my activities while I was out of the country, I am uninspired by the writing and content.

The two active blogs serve two purposes. The elder of the two serves to discuss my daily life and activities. I have been writing that for almost two years; however, until three months ago, I published less than once a month. There is a link to that blog on this page, hosted by blogger. The new blog is this one. Because I found myself wanting to write more, reflect on ideas and situations, and, perhaps even write some of my crazy dreams for others to enjoy. It may end up as a bit of an eclectic gathering of words and entries, but hopefully readable still.

Yesterday morning i woke up completely confused. It was one of those mornings where I had to think about where I was located. It was not because I had been out drinking the night before nor have I been travelling recently, i just woke up confused. Then, I recognized the sheath of my mosquito net and remembered, i’m just home(ish).

Waking up confused, trying to remember where I was had been painfully common for nearly three months solid. Moving from one site to another for Peace Corps training will do that to a person. Oh the wonderful experience of eight weeks of Peace Corps training, not spending more than 3 weeks in any one place and sometimes as little as 4 days. I would wake up in the morning so entirely disoriented, it would take me sitting up and looking around to recall that I had indeed fallen asleep in this bed intentionally. I haven’t had that issue in a few weeks, but yesterday, to my delight, disorientation took over my groggy brain.

Once I recognized the soft haze of my room through the netting, I took a deep breath and thought ‘this is my life’. Soon i heard the familiar rooster outside my window and the neighborhood slowly coming to life. Waking up disoriented is not my favorite feeling. In fact, it is one of my least favorite feelings. It’s the way your heart tightens and your nerves crawl to the edge of your skin and anxiety runs through your body like blood. Even for just one second, it is awful for me. However, just as quickly as the anxiety comes on, it departs and i’m happy the morning has come so I can make coffee.

Oh coffee, what a delight you are. What profound happiness in a mug! Coffee is the reason that mornings are beautiful and conversations are possible.

more to come